the housemanship training experience

good day.

it is my 3rd week working as a houseman in hospital tuanku fauziah, kangar.
i was lucky, and i am grateful for getting surgical department as my first department.
compared to the other departments, i think surgery provides the most 'off hours' and off days.
and give me quite a complacent time to get used to the system as a first poster.

here, i am still learning. got so many new things to be learned and improved and corrected.
i wouldn't say it was easy. it is not.

it is true what my prof once told us..
"once you become a houseman, you will know langit ni tinggi ke rendah"
"you will become a burden to the system, the ward, the nurses, the sisters, and moreover your bosses.. and you will become like the lowest ranking organism 'amoeba' in the system.."

it was funny back then. and i am laughing right now because i know that it's real. oh my sweet medical student days.

But, believe... that everything happened in this world, God knows it all. In every difficulties in good deeds, there lies a reason and purpose for that.

I think the bigger challenge for me is to deliver the most important purpose of being born as an USIM doctor: to integrate the spiritual aspect in our everyday management in the ward. Not only it involve the relationship between us and the patients. but it also revolves around our team and.. the whole system! And most importantly.. the change and determination must starts within you.

I am very upset for a few things... well, it will be quite sensitive and senseless to bring it up here.
My concern is, i am worried if i would become a 'fitnah' of my beautiful deen for the certain actions i am taking. i know the excellent individuals will be able to make balance of whatever it is
happening. But it is a big challenge for me.

InsyaAllah, i pray that i will cope with the current demand and at the same time, not loosing up to them. May one day, a better system that takes into account the spiritual needs and balance takes place here and everywhere.

okay. enough for now. da.

Holiday Inn

It is quite an uneventful holiday. Or is it?

It has been a few weeks since the last time i came here. Not that i'm busy, instead,
i'm very not busy compared to the hectic few months before the exam.
Today, i just feel like dropping by and leave out some notes regarding myself here.
Maybe in the future, this will be one of the little things that will bring back the memories and
to remind myself about the certain things that will be nice not-to-forgets.
There have been quite a few significant events in a few months back.

In May 2011:

1. I passed my final year exam. Not with 'that' flying colors though. But i know i must and I'll do better in the future in my career Insya-Allah and that's the promise i've made since before i join the medical school. Let's not talk too much about it here.

2. My eldest Aunt Jamilah had left us. Bless her.

3. My brother had an accident while driving my dad's car. Luckily nobody had any serious injury, but just some minimal-minimal abrasions.
However, the car (our dear WDR #$!) was 'injured' bad enough for us to just
let it be. It was actually repairable but so beyond our budget, and the cost was just similar to installment for a new car.

4. One of my best friend, actually, 4 of my Uni colleagues got married, and i just managed to attend 2 out of 4 weddings in Kelantan.


June 2011

?. i thought there was something big happening this months..
what is it... urm.. why can't i find a thing here..
oh yes.. i went to a medical check-up..
uh.. no, that's not something significant.
urm.. i learnt sewing.. no, i mean doing some embroideries.
urm, that's also not that significant.

Well. I'm actually waiting for some few small boxes in my tiny list here to be ticked
but. Not all things happened the way we planned it. right.
As much as i want it, i have to admit that there will be moments where we cant's get everything
we want, but to choose some of it and sacrifice or let go other few things.

And the moments keep coming while i'm alert and conscious right now.
(urm, i think that's why sometimes ignorance play a good part in a simple decision making)

This is talking to myself.
And i appreciate this couple of minutes spent here. May this be a good ongoing
muhasabah on how i view my life back then.

the final professional exam

Got another 1 month and 5 days to go.
the professional exam is coming!!

Alamak!

Usually when the calendar turned March. I would always have these circle/ markings on the 7th ; always. because it was meant to be so special to me.

But this time of the year. I was so upset. with myself.

Just now, after receiving the facebook reminder; showing " you have 8 friends with birthdays this week".. i just had a short glimpse on the mail and suddenly it caught my eyes. MARCH! omg omg..
it's March and i nearly forget about the special 7th. what date is today.. what date is today.. quickly looking down to the desktop calendar... what a relief alhamdulillah it the 5th. ill be so so upset if i missed the 7th.

looking back on this. what has happened to me now. all day thinking so forward and sometime i forgot these important thing that defined myself all this years. am i loosing myself.. or am i become more and more me..

i'm trying to be better this time. insyaAllah.

Suatu Rambling

:)... seronok bila jumpa chord ni.

saya bukan seorang yang suka mendengar lagu2 baru. saya akan suka lagu yang saya terdengar. suka tgk tv, tapi tak suka dengar radio. cuma jarang jarang sangat akan dengar. mak saya pun lagi banyak dengar. paling lama dengar adalah semasa dlm perjalanan ke mana mana dalam kereta alia.

kebanyakan lagu yang saya suka adalah yang kawan saya suka dengar, saya terdengar, dan saya tersuka.lepas tu bosan. saya sangat cepat bosan dengan lagu. mudah suka, dan cepat bosan. kalau dengar stesyen radio banyak lagu2 pelik2 saya jarang dengar, saya mudah jadi pening kepala.

setakat ni, antara lagu-lagu yang berjaya melepasi kobosanan saya memang la tak berapa banyak. apa ya... yang saya paling tak pernah bosan langsung dengar adalah lagu Maher Zain InsyaAllah. pelik gila saya pada diri sendiri. nak berapa puluh kali seminggu dengar pun, saya tak boring. pelik, itu jarang sekali berlaku pada seorang saya yang rendah tahap kelematiannya. bravo to that song, bravo to the message. Praise be upon Him.

selainnya, lagu yang separa berjaya seperti pump it - kacang peas bermata hitam (amek kau dari nasyid terus ke nashit..), lagu alhamdulillah - yasin, dan beberapa lagu rap, hip hop yang lain. gilakah. dan beberapa lagu outlandish seperti walou dan guatanamo.

(hoh. kau mengaku pun anum pada diri sendiri mende yang ko buat2 tak tau. eh, slame ni memang ko suke lagu rap ngan hip hop eyk? meh aku check balik hard disk kau... oh, tidak, lagu 60an pun ade, eyh...)

tak banyak lagu, tapi saya tak pilih genre.

ok, small people talk about themselves. so, musique de moi should stop here.

ok.

ini sebenarnya highlight entry ni.

suatu hari dulu, saya menonton TV3. ada dokumentari madrasah di pintu syurga. dokumentari tu sangat menyentuh hati saya. sangat.

dokumentari ini tentang hidup sekeluarga yang susah. adik-beradik yang tinggal di satu madrasah, dipelihara keluarga angkat. manis dan sejuk dipandang.

terpisah dengan keluarga kerana masalah kewangan. ibu ada. tapi lama tak dapat jumpa kerana masalah kewangan. bunyinya mudah? tapi.. kena tengok sendiri keadaan mereka. betapa mungkin apabila jadinya sesuatu itu, terselit hikmah yang mendalam. yang kita manusia mungkin terlepas pandang, mungkin boleh meneka, padi hakikatnya, Allah yang Lebih Mengetahui.

masa tu la saya dengar lagu Afgan ni. baru la saya dengar liriknya. dan saya terus suka sampai skarang.

Intro :

Am G F E

Verse1 :

__Am_____________G

Kumenatap dalam kelam

___F_____________Em

Tiada yang bisa kulihat

__Dm___________C______E

Selain hanya namaMu, ya Allah

Am____________G

Esok ataukah nanti

___F____________Em

Ampuni semua salahku

___Dm_________C_______E

Lindungi aku dari segala fitnah

Chorus :

_A_______________Dm

Kau tempatku meminta

_G____________C

Kau beriku bahagia

_F__________Dm

Jadikan aku selamanya

____E

HambaMu yang selalu bertaubat

A____________Dm

Ampuniku ya Allah

_G_________________C

Yang sering melupakanMu

__F________________Dm

Saat Kau limpahkan karuniaMu

___E_______________Am

Dalam sunyi aku bersujud

Interlude :

Am G F E (2x)

Prognosis Itu

Assalamualaikum.

What if last week, you met a doctor for a complain of unresolving cough for 2 weeks and suddenly today, you are told that your prognosis is only 30% 5 year survival rate?

The advices

Peace.

Just had a clinic session after the urology seminars. Today is my clinic day.. where i'm supposed to see most of the interesting cases and a couple of haemorrhoid bandings.. i hope. but today is just not the day. finished the seminar at  1103 and arrived at the hospital around 1145. but, to my surprise, the doctors had already finish seeing patient. no patient?

i thought the clinic supposed to ends around 1300. ok, at least 1230. but maybe things are getting better... more doctors are coming (or less patient coming?) and me and alia need to find another time to see good cases, or to bug some of our friends so that we can join their session. don't have enough time for the next turn. 

though we didn't get to see patient. some small things happened. :)

nope, we didn't get to fill anything in the log book, but, we learnt some new things today. i hope i will remember some of them in my future, and insyaAllah be a good practitioner.